1 00:00:07,572 --> 00:00:09,009 MAX: You know how in vampire movies 2 00:00:09,096 --> 00:00:10,880 there's always that scene? 3 00:00:10,967 --> 00:00:12,969 The super romantic one where the woman begs 4 00:00:13,100 --> 00:00:15,580 the vampire she's dating to turn her into one, too? 5 00:00:15,711 --> 00:00:17,539 So they can be together forever? 6 00:00:17,669 --> 00:00:19,628 So that we can be together forever. 7 00:00:19,758 --> 00:00:22,413 Eternity is no small matter, my darling Liz. 8 00:00:22,544 --> 00:00:25,547 Is it not enough that we lead a long and happy life together? 9 00:00:25,677 --> 00:00:26,417 [clears throat] 10 00:00:26,504 --> 00:00:27,897 What was that? 11 00:00:28,071 --> 00:00:29,029 What? 12 00:00:29,159 --> 00:00:30,726 The throat-clear thing. 13 00:00:30,900 --> 00:00:32,119 Oh, I was not aware. 14 00:00:32,249 --> 00:00:34,251 Perhaps my throat is a little dry. 15 00:00:34,382 --> 00:00:36,558 Lots of dust in these Austrian castles this time of year. 16 00:00:36,688 --> 00:00:39,126 Ugh, it matters not. 17 00:00:39,213 --> 00:00:42,303 See, Charles, even your quirks, I cannot get enough of. 18 00:00:42,433 --> 00:00:44,479 I want to wake up to that throat clear 19 00:00:44,566 --> 00:00:47,699 every morn and fall asleep in its warm embrace, 20 00:00:47,830 --> 00:00:49,353 until the end of time. 21 00:00:49,527 --> 00:00:50,485 Oh, Liz. 22 00:00:50,615 --> 00:00:52,617 [Charles sniffs deeply] 23 00:00:52,791 --> 00:00:54,489 [whispers]: Do it. 24 00:00:54,619 --> 00:00:56,621 [hisses] 25 00:00:56,752 --> 00:00:59,363 [gasps, sighs] 26 00:00:59,537 --> 00:01:01,887 [both moaning] 27 00:01:04,238 --> 00:01:05,717 MAX: But what they never show you is 28 00:01:05,891 --> 00:01:07,589 what happens afterward. 29 00:01:07,719 --> 00:01:09,808 I'm not talking right afterward. 30 00:01:09,939 --> 00:01:12,550 I'm talking way afterward. 31 00:01:13,812 --> 00:01:15,901 [clock ticking] 32 00:01:16,989 --> 00:01:18,208 [Charles clears throat] 33 00:01:22,212 --> 00:01:23,561 [clears throat] 34 00:01:23,692 --> 00:01:26,086 Oh, my God, would you stop doing that? 35 00:01:26,216 --> 00:01:28,000 I know you don't need to clear your throat. 36 00:01:28,131 --> 00:01:29,611 You know you don't have to. 37 00:01:29,785 --> 00:01:31,352 The only reason you're doing it is because 38 00:01:31,482 --> 00:01:33,310 you know how much it annoys me. 39 00:01:33,397 --> 00:01:35,530 So sorry. 40 00:01:35,660 --> 00:01:37,053 [turns page] 41 00:01:39,882 --> 00:01:41,362 [clears throat] 42 00:01:41,449 --> 00:01:44,234 ♪ ♪ 43 00:01:46,802 --> 00:01:50,153 MAX: This is the story of how I met Charles and Liz. 44 00:01:50,284 --> 00:01:52,024 - But before I met them... - [dog whines] 45 00:01:52,155 --> 00:01:54,331 I met the woman of my dreams. 46 00:01:54,462 --> 00:01:56,855 Yeah, I'm not feeling anything in his rectum. 47 00:01:56,986 --> 00:01:59,119 Huh. Yeah, I really think he swallowed something. 48 00:01:59,249 --> 00:02:00,642 It's possible. 49 00:02:00,816 --> 00:02:02,818 It's also possible that you just want to ask me out. 50 00:02:02,948 --> 00:02:04,776 [chuckles] Ex-Excuse me? 51 00:02:04,907 --> 00:02:06,996 You know I have a degree? I went to school for this? 52 00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:08,606 But word gets out there's a new cute vet in town, 53 00:02:08,737 --> 00:02:10,521 and all of a sudden the waiting room is 54 00:02:10,652 --> 00:02:11,957 filled with a bunch of creepers with borrowed cats. 55 00:02:12,088 --> 00:02:14,134 - Uh-huh. Um... - [dog retching] 56 00:02:16,223 --> 00:02:19,051 Uh, or maybe I'm just a good guy 57 00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:20,140 that's concerned about his dog... 58 00:02:20,270 --> 00:02:21,271 [chuckles]: Yeah. 59 00:02:21,445 --> 00:02:22,838 - ...that I rescued. - Oh, God. 60 00:02:23,012 --> 00:02:24,231 You are good, aren't you? 61 00:02:24,361 --> 00:02:26,320 Wait, why do you have a toy fire truck? 62 00:02:26,494 --> 00:02:28,670 It's probably from the children's hospital. 63 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:30,280 I trained him to be a therapy dog. 64 00:02:30,454 --> 00:02:31,499 Ugh. 65 00:02:31,673 --> 00:02:33,631 Fine, dinner Thursday. 66 00:02:33,718 --> 00:02:36,243 [both chuckling] 67 00:02:36,330 --> 00:02:38,636 MAX: Emma and I fell hard and quick. 68 00:02:39,811 --> 00:02:42,074 I had never been happier. 69 00:02:44,468 --> 00:02:47,471 My coworker Benji was, however, skeptical. 70 00:02:47,602 --> 00:02:49,517 Dude, she's not married. Stop saying that. 71 00:02:49,647 --> 00:02:51,127 Well, something is very weird. 72 00:02:51,301 --> 00:02:52,824 You've been together two months, she's never let you 73 00:02:52,911 --> 00:02:54,304 - come to her house? - No, she's just messy 74 00:02:54,478 --> 00:02:56,306 and doesn't want me to see her place. 75 00:02:56,393 --> 00:02:59,135 Yeah, probably a lot of clutter and husbands lying around. 76 00:02:59,266 --> 00:03:00,745 [scoffs] 77 00:03:00,919 --> 00:03:03,139 Huh. This is weird. 78 00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:04,836 Some guy's been collecting social security 79 00:03:04,923 --> 00:03:06,882 since the beginning of the program. 80 00:03:07,012 --> 00:03:09,276 That would make him like 150 years old. 81 00:03:09,363 --> 00:03:11,930 Huh. I wonder if he eats a lot of blueberries. 82 00:03:12,104 --> 00:03:13,845 I've been reading that's very good for you. 83 00:03:13,932 --> 00:03:15,978 No, Benji, this is obviously either a mistake 84 00:03:16,108 --> 00:03:17,414 or some sort of fraud. 85 00:03:17,501 --> 00:03:18,676 I guess I should look into this. 86 00:03:18,850 --> 00:03:20,200 Well, I hope it's legit. 87 00:03:20,330 --> 00:03:22,071 'Cause if that blueberry thing is true... 88 00:03:22,245 --> 00:03:24,291 [chuckles] I'm golden. 89 00:03:26,075 --> 00:03:27,772 Pleasure doing business with you. 90 00:03:27,859 --> 00:03:29,121 Thank you. 91 00:03:29,296 --> 00:03:31,298 Say, do you ever wonder what we're doing 92 00:03:31,428 --> 00:03:32,864 with all this blood, Steve? 93 00:03:33,038 --> 00:03:34,388 No. 94 00:03:34,518 --> 00:03:36,128 Okay. See you again Wednesday. 95 00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:37,478 Do you want to hang out or something? 96 00:03:37,608 --> 00:03:39,219 - I don't think so, Steve. - We could go to the mall. 97 00:03:39,349 --> 00:03:41,351 Bye, Steve. 98 00:03:41,482 --> 00:03:44,485 Bro, we really need a more normal Craigslist guy 99 00:03:44,572 --> 00:03:46,791 willing to sell us his own blood. 100 00:03:46,922 --> 00:03:48,315 God, I miss feeding on humans. 101 00:03:48,445 --> 00:03:50,317 Oh, you know why we stopped, Charles. 102 00:03:50,447 --> 00:03:51,535 It's not nice. 103 00:03:51,666 --> 00:03:53,102 You know what's not nice? 104 00:03:53,189 --> 00:03:54,277 Never getting ahead at work 105 00:03:54,408 --> 00:03:56,105 because we have to move every few years 106 00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,325 so people don't find it weird that we don't age. 107 00:03:58,455 --> 00:04:01,589 Also not nice: only doing it on my birthday. 108 00:04:01,763 --> 00:04:03,155 Oh, wow. That's great. 109 00:04:03,286 --> 00:04:04,766 Just mention that right in front of Jesse. 110 00:04:04,896 --> 00:04:07,377 Ah, come on. We've all lived in the same coven for centuries. 111 00:04:07,551 --> 00:04:09,161 Hardly any secrets between us. 112 00:04:09,336 --> 00:04:11,512 I know that he shaves his entire body 113 00:04:11,642 --> 00:04:12,948 and that this is all spray tan. 114 00:04:13,078 --> 00:04:14,471 Hey, I'm a personal trainer, 115 00:04:14,602 --> 00:04:16,299 and there are mirrors all over that gym. 116 00:04:16,430 --> 00:04:18,562 If I don't spray, I'm just a tank top and a pair of weights 117 00:04:18,693 --> 00:04:20,434 moving up and down by themselves. 118 00:04:20,564 --> 00:04:22,740 Okay, I'm gonna go back to the kitchen. 119 00:04:22,871 --> 00:04:24,742 Because I'm the only one who does anything around here. 120 00:04:26,570 --> 00:04:28,529 This marriage is literally never-ending. 121 00:04:28,659 --> 00:04:30,357 This will never end. 122 00:04:30,444 --> 00:04:31,749 - Can't even get a divorce. - JESSE: Mm-hmm. 123 00:04:31,923 --> 00:04:33,621 Vampires aren't allowed. 124 00:04:33,751 --> 00:04:35,231 Council of Elders would drive a stake through your heart 125 00:04:35,405 --> 00:04:36,972 and chop you into a thousand pieces. 126 00:04:37,755 --> 00:04:39,366 It is an out. 127 00:04:39,496 --> 00:04:41,672 You see, this is why I only marry humans. 128 00:04:41,803 --> 00:04:44,371 You have fun till they croak, and then you get a new model. 129 00:04:44,501 --> 00:04:46,198 Right. How's that working out for you? 130 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:48,200 Eh, people are living a little longer 131 00:04:48,331 --> 00:04:50,028 than they did back in the day. 132 00:04:50,159 --> 00:04:52,640 Sweetie, have you seen my reading glasses? 133 00:04:52,770 --> 00:04:54,032 They're on your head, babe. 134 00:04:54,163 --> 00:04:56,121 - [laughing]: Oh. - [chuckling] 135 00:04:56,252 --> 00:04:58,863 - Love you. - I love you more. 136 00:04:59,037 --> 00:05:01,301 - Aw. - [door opens and closes] 137 00:05:01,388 --> 00:05:02,737 HENRY: I didn't do it on purpose. 138 00:05:02,824 --> 00:05:04,304 You never do. That's not the point. 139 00:05:04,434 --> 00:05:05,957 No, no, look, I said I'm sorry, Mort. 140 00:05:06,088 --> 00:05:07,872 Hey, hey, hey, hey. What's the problem? 141 00:05:08,003 --> 00:05:10,875 The problem is the only girl I like in the entire school 142 00:05:11,049 --> 00:05:12,442 is in love with Henry. 143 00:05:12,573 --> 00:05:14,357 I don't get it, Dad. He's not even funny. 144 00:05:14,444 --> 00:05:16,316 He just stares off and says stuff like, 145 00:05:16,403 --> 00:05:18,100 "There's so much pain in the world." 146 00:05:18,187 --> 00:05:20,581 It hurts sometimes. 147 00:05:20,668 --> 00:05:22,278 MORT: And we're twins. 148 00:05:22,409 --> 00:05:23,888 How come he gets all the good traits? 149 00:05:24,019 --> 00:05:25,020 Super strength, super speed. 150 00:05:25,150 --> 00:05:26,674 I mean, I'm half vampire, too, 151 00:05:26,848 --> 00:05:29,285 and all I get is: can't go out in the sun. 152 00:05:29,416 --> 00:05:31,418 Hey. We are working on developing some of your powers. 153 00:05:31,592 --> 00:05:34,377 Right? Plus, you can read the dog's mind. 154 00:05:34,508 --> 00:05:36,248 - No one else has that. - Right. 155 00:05:36,379 --> 00:05:38,555 Wonderful. What's that, Argus? 156 00:05:39,643 --> 00:05:40,949 Huge news, everyone. 157 00:05:41,079 --> 00:05:42,733 He's hungry again. 158 00:05:42,864 --> 00:05:44,605 What does he mean "half vampire"? 159 00:05:44,735 --> 00:05:46,258 Here we go. 160 00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,913 Is that why none of you age? It's not just good genes? 161 00:05:49,044 --> 00:05:50,828 Are you all vampires? 162 00:05:50,959 --> 00:05:52,613 Are vampires real? 163 00:05:52,743 --> 00:05:54,310 Mort, what did I say about talking like that 164 00:05:54,441 --> 00:05:55,616 - in front of your mom? - [mouthing] 165 00:05:55,746 --> 00:05:57,313 - Now I got to wipe her. - What? 166 00:05:59,924 --> 00:06:01,230 You didn't hear anything, Phyllis. 167 00:06:02,274 --> 00:06:03,798 - Oh, hey, guys. How was school? - HENRY: It was good. 168 00:06:03,885 --> 00:06:05,103 - Yeah, it was fine. - It was fun. It was good. Yeah. 169 00:06:05,234 --> 00:06:06,583 All right. Can we eat now? 170 00:06:06,670 --> 00:06:08,629 - Yes. - LIZ: In a bit. 171 00:06:08,759 --> 00:06:11,675 How long does it take to pour blood into some glasses? 172 00:06:11,806 --> 00:06:12,937 Oh, I'm sorry. 173 00:06:13,068 --> 00:06:14,461 I thought we'd wait for our daughter 174 00:06:14,548 --> 00:06:16,027 so we could eat together as a family 175 00:06:16,114 --> 00:06:18,247 because some of us actually enjoy talking to each other. 176 00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:19,640 HENRY: Here she comes. 177 00:06:19,770 --> 00:06:20,902 - [door opens] - EMMA: Hey, guys. 178 00:06:21,032 --> 00:06:22,120 - Sorry I'm late. - [door closes] 179 00:06:22,294 --> 00:06:23,078 MAX: And now you know 180 00:06:23,208 --> 00:06:24,340 what I would come to learn. 181 00:06:24,471 --> 00:06:25,689 My girlfriend... 182 00:06:25,820 --> 00:06:27,125 - [sniffing] - ...was a vampire. 183 00:06:27,256 --> 00:06:28,779 Oh. Did Steve have steak this week? 184 00:06:28,910 --> 00:06:31,826 That blood smells delicious. 185 00:06:31,913 --> 00:06:33,393 [sighs] 186 00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:39,660 Mmm. Another triumph, Phyllis. 187 00:06:39,834 --> 00:06:41,226 - Really. - LIZ: Hear, hear. 188 00:06:41,313 --> 00:06:42,706 - CHARLES: Scrumptious. - MORT: So good, Mom. 189 00:06:42,837 --> 00:06:45,230 - PHYLLIS: Thank you. - Mmm. That was good, babe. 190 00:06:45,361 --> 00:06:46,580 Mmm. 191 00:06:48,277 --> 00:06:50,845 Charles, what is that marble bust of you doing in here? 192 00:06:50,975 --> 00:06:53,151 I thought we said it was going in your office. 193 00:06:53,325 --> 00:06:54,675 Fine, I'll move it back. 194 00:06:54,849 --> 00:06:56,067 But I think it looks nice. 195 00:06:56,198 --> 00:06:57,242 It's a statement piece. 196 00:06:57,373 --> 00:06:58,896 I agree. 197 00:06:59,027 --> 00:07:00,942 [quietly]: If the statement is that you're a narcissist. 198 00:07:01,116 --> 00:07:02,378 - I'm sorry? - Huh? 199 00:07:02,465 --> 00:07:03,510 - Huh? - What? 200 00:07:03,684 --> 00:07:04,902 - [sighs] - [Jesse clears throat] 201 00:07:05,033 --> 00:07:06,687 I'd like to make a toast to my boys 202 00:07:06,817 --> 00:07:08,819 Henry and Mort, who combined for 52 points 203 00:07:08,993 --> 00:07:11,996 and 34 rebounds last night, leading the Wildcats to victory. 204 00:07:12,083 --> 00:07:14,259 We play games while... 205 00:07:14,390 --> 00:07:15,652 the world is at war. 206 00:07:15,739 --> 00:07:17,654 MORT: Dad, I know you're trying to be nice, 207 00:07:17,785 --> 00:07:20,178 but everyone knows I'm not on the basketball team, 208 00:07:20,309 --> 00:07:21,441 so when you say "combined"... 209 00:07:21,528 --> 00:07:23,443 Still technically true. 210 00:07:23,573 --> 00:07:24,487 I love you boys. 211 00:07:24,661 --> 00:07:25,793 - Yes. - Salud. 212 00:07:25,923 --> 00:07:27,229 Cheers. 213 00:07:27,316 --> 00:07:28,709 Mmm. 214 00:07:30,841 --> 00:07:32,713 [sighs] 215 00:07:32,843 --> 00:07:34,192 - Yep. - JESSE: Whoo! 216 00:07:34,279 --> 00:07:35,933 - LIZ: Ugh. - Mama. 217 00:07:37,152 --> 00:07:40,068 You guys really love your tomato juice. 218 00:07:40,198 --> 00:07:42,374 EMMA: Mom, can I ask you something? 219 00:07:42,505 --> 00:07:44,289 Do you ever regret getting with Dad? 220 00:07:44,376 --> 00:07:47,423 I mean, I wish I'd asked a few more questions 221 00:07:47,554 --> 00:07:49,077 before rushing into the whole thing. 222 00:07:49,164 --> 00:07:51,383 Like, I never even realized 223 00:07:51,514 --> 00:07:54,038 that two undead people couldn't make a baby together. 224 00:07:54,169 --> 00:07:56,476 But then a miracle happened, 225 00:07:56,606 --> 00:07:59,827 and we came across this amazing little orphan baby girl 226 00:07:59,957 --> 00:08:03,526 that we fell in love with and raised as our own. 227 00:08:03,657 --> 00:08:05,659 And then turned into a vampire without asking her. 228 00:08:05,789 --> 00:08:07,661 To save you from diphtheria. You're welcome. 229 00:08:07,791 --> 00:08:10,402 The point is, no, I do not regret marrying your father. 230 00:08:10,577 --> 00:08:12,753 I just wish things were more like how they used to be. 231 00:08:12,883 --> 00:08:15,016 Okay, so why don't you work on your problems 232 00:08:15,146 --> 00:08:16,974 instead of sniping at each other all the time? 233 00:08:17,105 --> 00:08:18,846 I would love to work on things, Emma. 234 00:08:18,976 --> 00:08:20,891 I've been trying to get your father to go back 235 00:08:20,978 --> 00:08:24,112 to therapy again, but he hated the first time. 236 00:08:24,199 --> 00:08:25,983 I have to say, I am feeling 237 00:08:26,114 --> 00:08:27,376 rather blamed right now, Dr. Freud. 238 00:08:27,550 --> 00:08:28,725 You just keep taking her side. 239 00:08:28,856 --> 00:08:30,945 That's enough for today. 240 00:08:31,032 --> 00:08:33,251 This week, be kind to each other, yeah? 241 00:08:33,425 --> 00:08:34,949 And, Charles, try to suppress 242 00:08:35,036 --> 00:08:37,299 your desire to sleep with your own mother. 243 00:08:37,429 --> 00:08:38,518 He keeps saying that. 244 00:08:38,648 --> 00:08:40,432 Why does he keep saying that? 245 00:08:40,563 --> 00:08:42,217 MAX: So, I have to finish up 246 00:08:42,347 --> 00:08:43,784 this one work thing, and then I could 247 00:08:43,958 --> 00:08:45,916 swing by after and pick you up for the movie? 248 00:08:46,003 --> 00:08:47,048 Why don't I just meet you there? 249 00:08:47,178 --> 00:08:48,353 Okay, Emma, 250 00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:49,572 what is going on? I mean, 251 00:08:49,746 --> 00:08:51,269 why won't you ever let me come to your house? 252 00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:52,793 [whispering]: Married. She's married. 253 00:08:52,923 --> 00:08:54,664 Whatever you're hiding, you don't have to be afraid 254 00:08:54,795 --> 00:08:56,274 - to tell me. - My family, 255 00:08:56,448 --> 00:08:58,233 we're just different. 256 00:08:58,363 --> 00:09:00,365 I'll understand. I promise. 257 00:09:01,758 --> 00:09:02,846 [sighs] 258 00:09:02,977 --> 00:09:04,282 Okay, Max. 259 00:09:04,369 --> 00:09:05,980 The truth is... 260 00:09:10,114 --> 00:09:12,595 - ...we're Canadian. - What? 261 00:09:12,682 --> 00:09:14,945 - Why would I care about that? - It's not you. 262 00:09:15,076 --> 00:09:16,512 It's my father. 263 00:09:16,643 --> 00:09:19,036 He just won't like me dating someone... 264 00:09:19,167 --> 00:09:20,864 - not like us. - Okay. 265 00:09:21,038 --> 00:09:22,344 You want to wait, we'll wait. 266 00:09:22,474 --> 00:09:23,737 But when they finally meet me, 267 00:09:23,824 --> 00:09:25,260 I promise you they're gonna love me. 268 00:09:25,434 --> 00:09:26,653 All right, I got to go. 269 00:09:26,827 --> 00:09:29,307 I'll see you later, you hoser. [chuckles] 270 00:09:29,394 --> 00:09:30,787 What? 271 00:09:32,441 --> 00:09:33,834 [bird cawing] 272 00:09:37,185 --> 00:09:38,273 Can I help you? 273 00:09:38,403 --> 00:09:39,709 Hi. My name is Max Marshall. 274 00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:41,319 I'm a criminal investigator 275 00:09:41,493 --> 00:09:42,625 with the U.S. Social Security Administration. 276 00:09:42,756 --> 00:09:44,453 It's come to our attention that a, uh, 277 00:09:44,540 --> 00:09:46,890 Jesse Blythe, listed at this address, 278 00:09:46,977 --> 00:09:49,545 has been collecting benefits since 1935. 279 00:09:49,676 --> 00:09:51,286 Is that weird? 280 00:09:51,460 --> 00:09:52,635 MAX: It's probably just a clerical error, 281 00:09:52,809 --> 00:09:54,681 but I'm gonna have to speak with all of you 282 00:09:54,811 --> 00:09:56,117 - and ask you some questions. - Yeah... 283 00:09:56,291 --> 00:09:58,641 Actually, you will now be on your way 284 00:09:58,815 --> 00:10:01,252 because everything is fine. 285 00:10:02,645 --> 00:10:04,473 Right, that's what I was trying to determine. 286 00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:06,823 Why did you do that thing with your hand? 287 00:10:06,910 --> 00:10:09,086 Does that only work on weak-minded people, 288 00:10:09,260 --> 00:10:12,263 or is my mom weak-minded because my dad does that to her so much? 289 00:10:12,437 --> 00:10:13,874 It's a little of both. 290 00:10:14,048 --> 00:10:15,484 CHARLES: Obviously, it's a misunderstanding. 291 00:10:15,658 --> 00:10:17,878 Jesse is a young man. 292 00:10:18,008 --> 00:10:19,706 Uh, do we really need to jump through these hoops? 293 00:10:19,836 --> 00:10:21,142 Look, I don't want to be here 294 00:10:21,272 --> 00:10:22,665 any more than you all want me here. 295 00:10:22,752 --> 00:10:23,884 I mean, I'm honestly only doing this 296 00:10:24,014 --> 00:10:25,712 to put myself through grad school. 297 00:10:25,842 --> 00:10:27,322 I'm getting my master's in psychology. 298 00:10:27,452 --> 00:10:28,715 [gasps] Psychology? 299 00:10:28,889 --> 00:10:31,935 So, you're sort of like a therapist? 300 00:10:32,022 --> 00:10:33,894 - Well, studying to be one. - Uh-huh. Uh-huh. 301 00:10:34,024 --> 00:10:35,635 Hey, would you mind if my husband and I 302 00:10:35,722 --> 00:10:37,811 were interviewed together? 303 00:10:37,898 --> 00:10:39,726 [groans] 304 00:10:40,857 --> 00:10:42,554 And sometimes I feel like 305 00:10:42,729 --> 00:10:45,906 Charles is listening but he's not hearing me. 306 00:10:46,994 --> 00:10:48,735 So, to answer your question, three months. 307 00:10:48,822 --> 00:10:50,345 We've lived here for three months. 308 00:10:50,475 --> 00:10:52,521 Uh-huh. And-and what do you two do for work? 309 00:10:52,608 --> 00:10:54,871 Well, Charles is in financial planning. 310 00:10:55,002 --> 00:10:56,525 So you think we'll have enough for retirement? 311 00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:58,353 Absolutely. The good news is 312 00:10:58,483 --> 00:11:00,877 most retirements only last 20 years, 313 00:11:00,964 --> 00:11:02,052 and then you get to die. 314 00:11:02,183 --> 00:11:03,532 Get to die? 315 00:11:03,706 --> 00:11:05,447 Do not take that for granted. 316 00:11:05,577 --> 00:11:08,711 And I am a professor of history at Seattle College. 317 00:11:08,842 --> 00:11:11,801 Although Charles isn't supportive. 318 00:11:11,975 --> 00:11:14,543 In fact, he's against the whole idea of a woman working. 319 00:11:14,630 --> 00:11:17,459 I'm sorry, it was just unheard of where I grew up. 320 00:11:17,589 --> 00:11:20,244 In Cincinnati in the early '90s? 321 00:11:20,418 --> 00:11:23,987 All I'm saying is I make enough money that it's not necessary. 322 00:11:24,118 --> 00:11:26,990 Okay, tell us, Max, as a therapist, 323 00:11:27,121 --> 00:11:28,949 - who do you think is right? - [scoffs] 324 00:11:29,079 --> 00:11:30,472 Okay, again, I'm not a therapist yet. 325 00:11:30,602 --> 00:11:32,343 And also, therapists don't really pick sides. 326 00:11:32,474 --> 00:11:34,389 Can I tell you guys a story? 327 00:11:34,563 --> 00:11:36,086 My parents love to dance. 328 00:11:36,173 --> 00:11:38,132 They met at a high school dance, actually. 329 00:11:38,219 --> 00:11:40,656 But as the years went by, they stopped. 330 00:11:40,743 --> 00:11:42,789 Life got in the way. 331 00:11:42,876 --> 00:11:45,139 So, for their anniversary, I got them tango lessons, 332 00:11:45,269 --> 00:11:46,923 and it reminded them how they used to be. 333 00:11:47,054 --> 00:11:49,926 Charles, Liz, whatever it was that you loved to do 334 00:11:50,057 --> 00:11:53,538 when you were first together, rediscover that passion. 335 00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:55,410 Find your dance. 336 00:11:55,540 --> 00:11:58,152 But if you, like, had to pick a winner of the therapy? 337 00:11:58,282 --> 00:11:59,327 I pick Liz. 338 00:11:59,457 --> 00:12:00,720 - Yes. - Fine. 339 00:12:00,807 --> 00:12:02,243 We done here? Are we good? 340 00:12:02,417 --> 00:12:04,419 Yeah, so long as everything checks out with, uh, 341 00:12:04,549 --> 00:12:05,855 Jesse and Phyllis. 342 00:12:06,595 --> 00:12:08,336 [stammers] I'm sorry. 343 00:12:08,466 --> 00:12:09,816 Can you just go through the timeline again one more time? 344 00:12:09,946 --> 00:12:12,557 Okay, well, we met in 1989. 345 00:12:12,688 --> 00:12:13,907 We were both 28. 346 00:12:13,994 --> 00:12:15,430 - Uh-huh. - I mean, I know 347 00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:17,040 he looks young, but that's because 348 00:12:17,171 --> 00:12:18,476 - he works out a lot. - Mm-hmm. 349 00:12:18,563 --> 00:12:20,043 Right. 350 00:12:20,217 --> 00:12:22,350 Lots of supplements. Like, a lot of supplements. 351 00:12:22,524 --> 00:12:23,830 Exactly. 352 00:12:25,396 --> 00:12:26,920 This isn't good. 353 00:12:27,094 --> 00:12:28,008 He's not satisfied with these answers. 354 00:12:28,138 --> 00:12:30,227 Well, I don't want to move again. 355 00:12:30,358 --> 00:12:31,620 I love Seattle. 356 00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:33,274 We really can go outside almost every day 357 00:12:33,404 --> 00:12:35,102 because of the cloud cover. 358 00:12:35,232 --> 00:12:36,364 I didn't want to watch that stupid Twilight movie, 359 00:12:36,494 --> 00:12:38,061 but they really nailed it. 360 00:12:38,235 --> 00:12:39,541 - Aw. - [gentle music playing over TV] 361 00:12:39,671 --> 00:12:41,586 She wants to be with him forever. 362 00:12:41,717 --> 00:12:42,892 That's sweet. 363 00:12:43,023 --> 00:12:44,241 - Don't do it. - Huge mistake, Bella. 364 00:12:44,415 --> 00:12:45,677 - Get out of there, Edward. - Huge. 365 00:12:45,808 --> 00:12:47,114 - Go for the werewolf! - Run as... 366 00:12:47,244 --> 00:12:49,420 We're not moving. 367 00:12:49,551 --> 00:12:50,726 We're going to kill him. 368 00:12:50,857 --> 00:12:52,336 Are you out of your mind? 369 00:12:52,467 --> 00:12:53,860 We're backed into a corner. 370 00:12:53,947 --> 00:12:55,731 Plus, don't you miss hunting and feeding? 371 00:12:55,862 --> 00:12:57,602 - Oh. - Oh, remember those nights 372 00:12:57,689 --> 00:12:58,995 long ago-- the anticipation, 373 00:12:59,082 --> 00:13:02,085 the chase, the blood pumping into our veins 374 00:13:02,216 --> 00:13:03,434 as we sucked it up. 375 00:13:03,565 --> 00:13:05,175 Pumping and sucking. 376 00:13:05,306 --> 00:13:07,612 - Pumping and sucking. - [breath trembles] 377 00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,092 We did have fun. 378 00:13:09,223 --> 00:13:10,702 That's it! 379 00:13:10,833 --> 00:13:12,356 That Max fellow said it himself. 380 00:13:12,487 --> 00:13:14,750 Find our dance, darling. 381 00:13:14,881 --> 00:13:18,014 Hunting and feeding on humans-- that's our dance. 382 00:13:18,101 --> 00:13:20,190 JESSE: Wait, bro, you're not getting it. 383 00:13:20,321 --> 00:13:22,497 Again, I was born on a leap year. 384 00:13:22,627 --> 00:13:24,760 I'm sorry, there's just too many inconsistencies. 385 00:13:24,847 --> 00:13:26,501 We're gonna have to open a wider inquiry. 386 00:13:26,631 --> 00:13:28,198 We'll be in touch. 387 00:13:28,285 --> 00:13:31,114 Hey, guys, I think I shorted you a bag of blood earlier. 388 00:13:31,245 --> 00:13:33,377 - Not now, Steve! - Want to play some board games? 389 00:13:33,508 --> 00:13:34,988 What the... 390 00:13:35,118 --> 00:13:36,685 [whooshing] 391 00:13:37,991 --> 00:13:39,166 [both hissing] 392 00:13:39,253 --> 00:13:40,558 Oh. 393 00:13:40,645 --> 00:13:42,691 So sorry about this. 394 00:13:42,778 --> 00:13:45,476 You know, we're not really bad people. 395 00:13:45,563 --> 00:13:46,695 Wait, are we eating him? 396 00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:48,131 Let me go get the boys. 397 00:13:48,305 --> 00:13:50,003 The-the boys? No. No, no, no, no, no. 398 00:13:50,177 --> 00:13:51,482 [hissing] 399 00:13:57,271 --> 00:13:58,707 - [hissing] - You know what? 400 00:13:58,838 --> 00:13:59,839 I'm-I'm dismissing this case. You guys are 401 00:13:59,969 --> 00:14:01,405 totally good to go in the eyes of 402 00:14:01,492 --> 00:14:02,929 the U.S. Social Security Administration. Don't! 403 00:14:03,059 --> 00:14:03,407 - [screams] - EMMA: What's going on? 404 00:14:03,581 --> 00:14:05,018 Max? 405 00:14:05,105 --> 00:14:06,106 [soft hiss] 406 00:14:06,236 --> 00:14:08,456 - Emma? - Uh, you know him? 407 00:14:08,630 --> 00:14:10,240 This is my boyfriend Max. 408 00:14:10,327 --> 00:14:12,068 Max, these are my parents. 409 00:14:13,504 --> 00:14:15,680 We're not Canadian. 410 00:14:16,420 --> 00:14:18,466 [breathy chuckle] 411 00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:20,424 Hey. 412 00:14:20,555 --> 00:14:21,643 [slurps softly] 413 00:14:25,821 --> 00:14:28,780 So, Michigan undergrad, right? 414 00:14:28,911 --> 00:14:30,434 That's a good school. 415 00:14:30,521 --> 00:14:32,306 I'm sorry, maybe I should go. 416 00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:34,047 Can I go? I'd like to go. 417 00:14:34,177 --> 00:14:35,875 Dad, you're not saying anything. He doesn't feel welcome. 418 00:14:36,049 --> 00:14:37,702 Yeah, it's not just that. 419 00:14:37,789 --> 00:14:38,921 What is it, the almost killing you thing? 420 00:14:39,052 --> 00:14:40,444 Everyone said they were sorry. 421 00:14:40,531 --> 00:14:41,619 CHARLES: What do you want me to say, Emma? 422 00:14:41,750 --> 00:14:43,230 I don't want you dating a human. 423 00:14:43,317 --> 00:14:44,796 And worse, you lied about it. 424 00:14:44,927 --> 00:14:46,059 I knew you'd react this way. 425 00:14:46,146 --> 00:14:48,409 Well, you were right. He's not one of us. 426 00:14:48,539 --> 00:14:49,540 What about Ivan? 427 00:14:49,671 --> 00:14:50,933 Dad, we broke up. 428 00:14:51,107 --> 00:14:52,108 You can work it out. 429 00:14:52,282 --> 00:14:53,675 He's got his own business. 430 00:14:53,805 --> 00:14:55,720 - He's a vampire. - Who still feeds on humans. 431 00:14:55,807 --> 00:14:57,113 CHARLES: Occasionally. 432 00:14:57,244 --> 00:14:58,985 And even then, only the really evil ones. 433 00:14:59,115 --> 00:15:00,943 He ate a guy for cutting him off in traffic. 434 00:15:01,030 --> 00:15:02,945 They can't all be the worst of the worst. 435 00:15:03,032 --> 00:15:04,381 Sorry, is this Ivan the jealous type or... 436 00:15:04,512 --> 00:15:06,949 Okay, I would like you to leave now, please. 437 00:15:07,036 --> 00:15:08,603 And if you say anything, we'll kill you. 438 00:15:08,690 --> 00:15:10,344 Yeah. Uh, nice meeting you. 439 00:15:10,474 --> 00:15:11,606 - Max, wait. Oh. - Uh... 440 00:15:11,736 --> 00:15:13,347 I can't touch you now? 441 00:15:13,477 --> 00:15:15,175 Sorry, Emma, I... 442 00:15:15,305 --> 00:15:17,133 Today's just been a really long, really weird day, 443 00:15:17,307 --> 00:15:19,266 and I kind of want to go home, okay? 444 00:15:19,396 --> 00:15:21,311 I mean, I-I just found out that vampires are real 445 00:15:21,442 --> 00:15:22,922 and that my girlfriend's one, so if someone could just 446 00:15:23,052 --> 00:15:24,793 unbolt the door with their mind, I'm ready to leave. 447 00:15:25,881 --> 00:15:26,969 - [lock clicks] - Okay. 448 00:15:27,143 --> 00:15:28,710 Very nice to meet... 449 00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:29,929 [Emma stammers] 450 00:15:31,365 --> 00:15:34,411 - Thanks a lot, Dad. - I know this is hard right now, 451 00:15:34,585 --> 00:15:35,673 but trust me, it's for the best. 452 00:15:35,804 --> 00:15:36,936 Y-You don't get it. 453 00:15:37,066 --> 00:15:38,459 I've been dating for two centuries. 454 00:15:38,589 --> 00:15:41,679 I know how hard it is to find someone like Max. 455 00:15:41,810 --> 00:15:44,508 He's funny and kind and close to his mom but not to the point 456 00:15:44,595 --> 00:15:46,728 where it's weird, which is a very tough needle to thread. 457 00:15:46,858 --> 00:15:50,079 Point is, I finally found someone, and you ruined it. 458 00:15:50,210 --> 00:15:52,908 I am the head of this coven, and I have spoken. 459 00:15:53,039 --> 00:15:55,171 You are being so unfair. 460 00:15:55,302 --> 00:15:58,131 Well, life is tough and then you continue to not die. 461 00:15:59,436 --> 00:16:00,655 [Emma scoffs] 462 00:16:00,829 --> 00:16:02,657 Ivan had great hair! 463 00:16:02,787 --> 00:16:04,485 Ivan ate the mailman, Charles. 464 00:16:04,615 --> 00:16:07,140 And? We got a new one. Uh... 465 00:16:09,794 --> 00:16:11,622 [doorbell rings] 466 00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:18,238 [sighs] 467 00:16:19,674 --> 00:16:20,849 Hello, Max. 468 00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:22,372 Liz, what-what are you doing here? 469 00:16:22,503 --> 00:16:23,939 I think we need to speak. 470 00:16:24,026 --> 00:16:26,246 Yeah, okay, sure. 471 00:16:26,420 --> 00:16:29,379 Um, you have to formally invite me in. 472 00:16:29,466 --> 00:16:30,641 Oh, that's really a thing? 473 00:16:31,860 --> 00:16:33,122 I've seen the movies and stuff. 474 00:16:33,253 --> 00:16:34,558 Please come in. 475 00:16:34,645 --> 00:16:36,473 And don't worry, I won't offer you any garlic. 476 00:16:36,604 --> 00:16:38,345 That's actually a very offensive stereotype. 477 00:16:38,432 --> 00:16:39,781 Oh, sorry. 478 00:16:44,438 --> 00:16:46,831 Look, I'm sure today was very traumatic, and I don't blame you 479 00:16:46,918 --> 00:16:48,920 if you never want to see us or Emma again, 480 00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:51,488 but I think that would be a huge mistake. 481 00:16:51,662 --> 00:16:54,230 I have never seen Emma feel this way about someone before. 482 00:16:54,361 --> 00:16:55,840 The way she talks about you. 483 00:16:55,971 --> 00:16:58,321 Yeah. I mean, Liz, I'm crazy about your daughter. 484 00:16:58,452 --> 00:17:01,803 And, honestly, I-I could maybe even get past 485 00:17:01,890 --> 00:17:03,544 the fact that she's a vampire. 486 00:17:03,718 --> 00:17:05,415 I mean, do you know what it's like out there on the apps 487 00:17:05,502 --> 00:17:06,808 for guys under six feet? 488 00:17:06,895 --> 00:17:08,679 Haven't dated since the 1500s, 489 00:17:08,853 --> 00:17:11,204 so sort of just missed the whole apps thing. 490 00:17:11,291 --> 00:17:12,292 Right. 491 00:17:12,422 --> 00:17:14,076 All that aside, it's just... 492 00:17:14,946 --> 00:17:16,209 It's Charles. 493 00:17:16,296 --> 00:17:18,298 I mean, he said he was gonna kill me, 494 00:17:18,428 --> 00:17:20,952 so that kind of seems like... 495 00:17:21,083 --> 00:17:22,737 an obstacle. 496 00:17:22,867 --> 00:17:25,696 Max, I know this man. 497 00:17:25,870 --> 00:17:27,002 He's from another time. 498 00:17:27,133 --> 00:17:29,526 He sees you as weak and modern. 499 00:17:29,700 --> 00:17:31,876 He expects you to cave to his threats, 500 00:17:32,007 --> 00:17:34,836 but he'll respect you for not giving up. 501 00:17:35,010 --> 00:17:36,098 Trust me. 502 00:17:36,229 --> 00:17:39,101 And if he, like, tries to murder me? 503 00:17:39,275 --> 00:17:40,842 I'll make sure it's quick and painless. 504 00:17:40,972 --> 00:17:42,757 - What? - I-I mean, I'll stop him. 505 00:17:42,887 --> 00:17:44,280 I will stop him. [chuckles] 506 00:17:44,454 --> 00:17:46,282 Right. 507 00:17:48,023 --> 00:17:49,416 [sighs] 508 00:17:50,417 --> 00:17:51,766 JESSE: Telekinesis 509 00:17:51,896 --> 00:17:54,247 is all about clearing your mind 510 00:17:54,334 --> 00:17:58,947 and making the object go where you want. 511 00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:00,644 Wow. [chuckles] 512 00:18:00,775 --> 00:18:01,863 Now you try. 513 00:18:03,517 --> 00:18:04,648 [grunts softly] 514 00:18:04,779 --> 00:18:05,780 Concentrate. 515 00:18:05,910 --> 00:18:07,129 [straining] 516 00:18:07,303 --> 00:18:08,391 You got this, buddy. 517 00:18:08,522 --> 00:18:10,437 [straining] 518 00:18:10,567 --> 00:18:11,568 [sighs heavily] 519 00:18:11,742 --> 00:18:13,527 - It's too hard. - No, no, no, no. 520 00:18:13,701 --> 00:18:14,789 I think it moved a little. 521 00:18:14,919 --> 00:18:16,095 Come on, Dad. 522 00:18:16,269 --> 00:18:18,445 Hey, powers don't always just happen. 523 00:18:18,575 --> 00:18:20,795 You have to work at them, and I believe in you. 524 00:18:20,925 --> 00:18:22,753 - Thanks, Dad. - Of course. 525 00:18:22,884 --> 00:18:24,886 - [Argus murmurs] - What's that, boy? 526 00:18:26,757 --> 00:18:28,759 Well, that's just not very supportive, Argus. 527 00:18:30,326 --> 00:18:31,327 [knocking] 528 00:18:32,328 --> 00:18:34,113 [sighs] Charles? 529 00:18:34,243 --> 00:18:35,940 It's me, Max. 530 00:18:36,027 --> 00:18:38,508 There's something we need to discuss, so let me in, please. 531 00:18:38,595 --> 00:18:41,207 Okay, you know what? I invite myself in. 532 00:18:41,337 --> 00:18:43,600 Or wait, that's not a thing. Sorry. Uh... 533 00:18:43,731 --> 00:18:45,559 The point is, we-we need to talk. 534 00:18:45,689 --> 00:18:47,300 He won't go away. 535 00:18:47,430 --> 00:18:51,695 He's like the plague, which I witnessed and preferred. 536 00:18:51,826 --> 00:18:53,175 Oh, hi, Max! 537 00:18:53,306 --> 00:18:55,699 What a surprise to see you! 538 00:18:55,830 --> 00:18:56,744 Come on in. 539 00:18:56,874 --> 00:18:59,355 Charles, Max is here. 540 00:18:59,486 --> 00:19:02,358 I thought I made myself clear you should not come back here. 541 00:19:02,489 --> 00:19:05,274 You did, but I am standing up to you, 542 00:19:05,405 --> 00:19:07,711 which I believe might impress you. 543 00:19:07,842 --> 00:19:09,844 That was a severe miscalculation. 544 00:19:09,974 --> 00:19:11,628 - Really? - Come on, Charles. 545 00:19:11,715 --> 00:19:13,761 It was pretty brave of him to just show up like this. 546 00:19:13,848 --> 00:19:15,850 It doesn't change the fact that he's human. 547 00:19:16,024 --> 00:19:17,286 HENRY: I may have a solution. 548 00:19:17,373 --> 00:19:19,810 What if we make Max a vampire? 549 00:19:19,941 --> 00:19:22,030 - Are you insane? - No, that's not a bad idea. 550 00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:24,380 It's sort of a win-win. Everybody gets what they want. 551 00:19:24,511 --> 00:19:26,165 Uh, yeah, I don't really want to be a vampire. 552 00:19:26,295 --> 00:19:28,210 - Max, please, stay out of this. - I don't want him 553 00:19:28,297 --> 00:19:29,516 - to be one either. - HENRY: Uncle Charles, 554 00:19:29,603 --> 00:19:31,822 you said him being human was the whole problem. 555 00:19:31,953 --> 00:19:33,259 I was being nice. 556 00:19:33,389 --> 00:19:35,261 You all want me to say it? I don't like him. 557 00:19:35,391 --> 00:19:36,914 And being stuck with Max forever? 558 00:19:37,045 --> 00:19:38,394 Not the solution I was looking for. 559 00:19:38,525 --> 00:19:39,656 [strains loudly] 560 00:19:39,830 --> 00:19:41,049 Yes. You got this, Mort. 561 00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,530 Come on, come on. Move, damn it. 562 00:19:43,660 --> 00:19:45,619 [Mort straining] 563 00:19:45,749 --> 00:19:47,142 - [whimpers] - [straining loudly] 564 00:19:47,273 --> 00:19:48,839 [rattling] 565 00:19:49,013 --> 00:19:50,232 What about your daughter? 566 00:19:50,363 --> 00:19:52,016 This should be about what she wants. 567 00:19:52,103 --> 00:19:53,844 At least let them date. 568 00:19:53,975 --> 00:19:55,759 Why is this so important to you, Liz? 569 00:19:55,846 --> 00:19:58,458 Because we used to be Max and Emma. 570 00:19:58,632 --> 00:20:00,373 Don't you see that? 571 00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:03,637 What are you talking about? 572 00:20:03,724 --> 00:20:05,421 When we started dating, the head of your coven 573 00:20:05,552 --> 00:20:09,033 forbade you from seeing me, but then you stood up to him. 574 00:20:09,120 --> 00:20:11,427 Because back then, you believed in love. 575 00:20:12,428 --> 00:20:14,691 I know eternity has not been easy, 576 00:20:14,822 --> 00:20:16,127 but I thought... 577 00:20:17,346 --> 00:20:21,916 ...I hoped that deep down maybe that Charles was still in you. 578 00:20:22,090 --> 00:20:24,266 But I guess I was wrong. 579 00:20:25,006 --> 00:20:26,442 Liz, wait. 580 00:20:28,575 --> 00:20:30,490 If it's really that important to you... 581 00:20:32,361 --> 00:20:33,449 ...I guess... 582 00:20:36,626 --> 00:20:38,628 - ...they can keep dating. - Seriously? 583 00:20:41,501 --> 00:20:44,591 But if he hurts her in any way, we eat him. 584 00:20:44,678 --> 00:20:46,070 Sure thing, Charles. You got it. 585 00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:47,942 - Wait, what? - He's kidding. 586 00:20:48,072 --> 00:20:49,291 [whispers]: Not kidding. 587 00:20:49,422 --> 00:20:50,901 MAX: And there you have it. 588 00:20:51,032 --> 00:20:52,816 It was a real-life happy ending. 589 00:20:52,947 --> 00:20:56,516 That is to say I was happy right when it ended. 590 00:20:57,299 --> 00:20:58,474 [straining] 591 00:20:58,605 --> 00:20:59,997 Let's go! Come on! 592 00:21:00,128 --> 00:21:01,956 - Move it! Move the pencil! - [objects rattling] 593 00:21:02,130 --> 00:21:04,437 Come on, Mort! Let's go! 594 00:21:04,524 --> 00:21:05,612 [whooshing] 595 00:21:06,134 --> 00:21:08,354 [screams] Max? 596 00:21:08,484 --> 00:21:09,311 Are you okay, Max? 597 00:21:09,485 --> 00:21:11,357 Oh, my God, my bust! 598 00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:14,708 Oh, no! 599 00:21:14,838 --> 00:21:16,187 Where the hell did that come from? 600 00:21:16,362 --> 00:21:18,146 Mort moved it with his brain. 601 00:21:18,277 --> 00:21:20,714 All the way across the damn house! 602 00:21:20,844 --> 00:21:22,150 My boy! 603 00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:24,152 I was just trying to move a pencil. 604 00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:25,545 I mean, we have to get him to a hospital. 605 00:21:25,719 --> 00:21:27,547 - There's no time. - I think he stopped breathing. 606 00:21:27,721 --> 00:21:30,245 Hey, what if we turn him into a vampire? 607 00:21:30,376 --> 00:21:32,203 That would fix this. 608 00:21:32,334 --> 00:21:34,118 What do people think of that? 609 00:21:35,511 --> 00:21:37,905 - He might pull through. - Charles. 610 00:21:37,992 --> 00:21:40,081 I already said yes to the letting them date thing. 611 00:21:40,168 --> 00:21:41,517 I mean, that's a lot of growth for one day. 612 00:21:41,648 --> 00:21:43,563 Please. 613 00:21:45,521 --> 00:21:46,696 Fine. 614 00:21:48,089 --> 00:21:50,221 MAX: And that's how I joined my new family, 615 00:21:50,352 --> 00:21:51,788 the day I died. 616 00:21:51,962 --> 00:21:54,008 Or, I guess, technically they made me undead. 617 00:21:54,182 --> 00:21:55,966 You're doing the right thing, Charles. 618 00:21:56,140 --> 00:21:57,228 This is the man I married. 619 00:21:57,316 --> 00:21:59,143 [gasps] 620 00:21:59,318 --> 00:22:00,580 Thanks, Liz. 621 00:22:00,754 --> 00:22:01,668 MAX: Has it been smooth sailing? 622 00:22:01,798 --> 00:22:03,104 Not always. 623 00:22:03,234 --> 00:22:04,801 But all families have their problems. 624 00:22:04,932 --> 00:22:08,457 Our problems just happen to last... 625 00:22:08,588 --> 00:22:10,372 - forever. - [gasps] 626 00:22:11,155 --> 00:22:12,374 Oh, my God! 627 00:22:12,548 --> 00:22:14,158 Why is that man lying on the ground?! 628 00:22:14,289 --> 00:22:15,377 I got this. 629 00:22:15,508 --> 00:22:16,857 Why does Charles have fangs?! 630 00:22:16,987 --> 00:22:17,988 - JESSE: It's okay, baby. - What is happening?! 631 00:22:18,119 --> 00:22:19,903 It's okay, baby. Come here. 632 00:22:20,034 --> 00:22:21,209 - PHYLLIS: What? - Come here. 633 00:22:21,383 --> 00:22:22,515 Phyllis, you didn't see anything. 634 00:22:22,602 --> 00:22:23,690 [whooshing] 635 00:22:23,820 --> 00:22:25,126 Oh, hey, sweetie. 636 00:22:25,213 --> 00:22:26,257 - How was the gym? - Oh, it was so good, thanks. 637 00:22:26,345 --> 00:22:28,390 PHYLLIS: Aw. 638 00:22:33,221 --> 00:22:36,920 Captioning sponsored by CBS 639 00:22:37,051 --> 00:22:41,316 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org